Telling myself the truth

Over the past several years, my migraine attacks have grown more frequent, which is both an alarming trend and also super lame.

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Yes, I made a chart. I’m a nerd.

So it’s not exactly a surprise that I’ve been struggling with depression, wallowing in the feeling that my life is stuck in a permanent haze of pain. Recently, however, I’ve come to recognize the reality, which is that my heart has become an active battlefield for spiritual warfare. Good and evil are vying for my mood, my focus, and my attitude. I know this because there are two completely opposite frames of mind that I seem to simultaneously hold regarding my health and life in general.

To use a cliched visualization, it’s the classic devil on one shoulder/angel on the other scenario. When I listen to the little dude in red, I believe the lie that the way things are now is the way that they will always be. No treatment will work, and I will spend the rest of my life living the way I do now… worthless and without purpose and perpetually feeling like a legion of brain gremlins are trying to pickaxe their way out of my skull.

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Not precisely what I had envisioned, Google Image search…

But seriously, there is so much wrong with that. The present is a poor indicator of the future, because the nature of life is change. Even in the past I’ve had treatments that have worked and times when I’ve been relatively healthy. There’s no reason to assume that won’t happen again.

And my life right now is neither worthless nor without purpose. There is so much that I enjoy that provides counter-balance to the painful parts. I’m surrounded by friends and family who are funny, interesting people who love me and will hang out with me even if I’m stuck at home. I have an amazing career with a supervisor who is sympathetic and flexible. And I totally have Netflix, which includes every episode of Doctor Who.

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Essential to my happiness.

Likewise, my life does not lack purpose just because I’m not sure what it might be. I trust in God’s promise that He has a purpose for me. Our lives touch others in ways we aren’t aware of, and God weaves our stories together into one big epic tale. One that ends in victory.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Take THAT, shoulder devil!!!

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